i realized, I don't actually love myself
i love what i do
i love what i create
i love where i live, my community, my friends, my family, my cat
blah blah blah
with all that, i still haven't found sincere SELF love
and how is that? how can i have an abundance of things in my life and still not feel worthy?
cry me a fucking river right!!
so i've been researching. i know how to do that, and this is what i've found so far:
self love is a state of acceptance FIRST. you can do all the "practice self love things" like, eat all the right things, to make all the things, to have all the things, to BE. ALL. THE. THINGS. but it wont matter. you still won't feel in aw of the beauty of who you are. You'll be looking at yourself, and all the things you've created, wanting to fall for that person in front of you, but you still wont find authentic self love.
so then i thought, "how the hell do I accept myself?"
and why haven't i done that yet?!
if you can't already tell i'm very critical and in that very thought i realized, holy shit I'M ALSO:
sensitive, insecure, anxious, reserved, easily embarrassed, compulsive, emotional....etc
these are things I've known for some time but i've never ACCEPTED. or talked about, or written in a blog post, or have been human, raw and vulnerable enough to share. so i'm sharing right here, and if you've had a conversation with me lately you've probably had deal with a lot of over sharing there too, but the point is...
what is the point?....ok so the point IS:
SHARE who you are! it's so not perfect. it's radically flawed. it's embarrassing. but its YOU. this is acceptance for me. being honest with who i am and sharing that shit. weirdly enough this is MY self love
i know we're all grossed out by now about hearing the term "self love" but I had to get this one out so thanks for being here